just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
Also- bikini mowing was a horrible idea. One truck just drove by 3 times, turning around at the end of the block each time. My tan may be better for it but my conscience has been raped.
Until this weekend, a man hadn't made me orgasm since the night Obama was elected. Now THAT is change I can believe in.
think he just told me if I need to shit I should go outside.
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
He had really great hair, but he told me he's been in a psych ward three times. I mean I know I'm a psych major, but that's too much.
I need to stop getting high and watching documentaries. Wanna go to Japan with me and protest the mass genocide of dolphins?
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
Last night I made him sit on my bed and finish my burrito bowl as I chanted "brucey" over and over until he was done like they did in Matilda with the chocolate cake
I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
Just masturbating and watching Sports Center...is this what it's like to be a guy?!
I'm so glad I can be everyone's guide to the world of fucked up kinks
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
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