Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
and I asked her"are you allergic to condoms latex like your older sister " she said "Idk this is gonna be my 1time"
Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
Yea. You cant just squeeze my balls. They are sensitive
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
I don't know his last name, but he's in phone as Pat the conqueror.
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
At least life still wants to fuck me.
I have peed in a lot of sinks
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