It would be worth it to see how drunk he is right now.
He cartwheeled into the side of the neighbor's garage.
Ok, i'm coming over
Update: Discussing lingerie with my father. He likes sheer black things. Not into the colorful stuff I wear.
you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
I would like to dedicate my cray behavior this week to my uncontrollable hormones and wine. Both have totally Efff'ed with my life.
him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
Randomize
