very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
Where do you think black out memories go?
Into the dark abysmal abyss of the deepest, darkest part of your mind. It's obviously the bodies natural defense to protect you from witnessing the shit you do while actually blacked out.
Randomize
