Soo....this goes on the list of odd coincidences. My gyno calls me while I'm going at it, leaves me a message. I check it later... thank God I tested negative.
and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
I just watched a video of Justin Bieber kissing a girl..... the sad thing is that I actually got upset.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
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