you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
I thought that u needed a break due the fact that your nipples were bleeding
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
I haven't seen her in ages, how is she?
Well I woke up next to her this morning so I guess I would say she could be doing better
There were four people in the car. The girls sure know how to blow. I think we almost crashed when the driver climaxed.
I'm officially no longer allowed to make any of my own decisions regarding alcohol, men, or the combination of both. Thats up to you now. Do me proud.
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
Poor guy. Tried so hard to get out of the friend zone. I had to make out with someone in front of him to put him in his place.
I don't know what's wrong with me. The guy from bar rescue is making me horny
I find celibacy oppressive. Huge waste of my time and talents.
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
Randomize
