Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
Hey baby girl when you gonna let my tongue get up in that ass like i'm an explorer trying to go deep under on a quest for the lost city of atlantis
your text was fucking rediculious. Will let you eat my asshole though.
so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
Please don't tell me I was shouting "I'm bleeding from my vagina" in front of my ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend.
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
I was very proud of myself that day. I had an awesome time. I don't care if I negatively impacted others.
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
I spent most of the stoned conversation with my dad proving to him that the Newfoundland is an actual dog and NOT a Snuffaluffagus-esque figment of my stoned imagination, while laughing over the fact there is actually a place caller Dildo, Canada. Have YOU taken time to be a good dad today?
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
Is that your Nuva ring on the floor? Shit must have gotten crazy
The streets are paved with hand jobs
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