we turned dreidel into a drinking game. i kept landing on gimel. im glad we have 7 more nights of this
i stuck my finger in my ass and it felt weird. but you know. it should be different when a guy does it right?
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
Osama's death just kick started our Cinco de mayo celebration. Margaritas for anyone wearing red white and blue!
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
Okay throwing up in my mouth a little = time to go home
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
He told me that his favorite part about me is hearing my voice while we fuck. I think that was the nicest thing he has EVER said to me.
Well he's a 33 year old furniture salesman that picked up at 19 year old buying a bedroom set for her room. I can see how that would be awkward
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
Randomize
