I was hooking up with him in my car, he wouldn't stop with my nipples, I had to literally beat him off of me. He kept groaning too while he was doing it. Sick.
Mommy issues
every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
Last time we had a party like that I woke up naked on the pool table with a chalk outline around me and a empty bottle of jager duct taped to my hand.
Yea. I'm excited about this party too
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
The profile of her ass is just unreal. Weird way to use profile I know, but never more accurate
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
Randomize
