between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
Dude, I think someone on your skype account may have seen me beat off. I used your computer and didnt realize you were still signed in. Please tell me no one was on...
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
Oh aight, and i was just going to be content with drinking, beating off and watching ninja turtles
I may have played more drinking games with my family this last week than all of freshman year...
my window is missing, there is half a pizza jammed into the disk slot of my PS3, and the entire kitchen floor is covered in cerial i cant see any wood floor. did we have fun?
Does it make me immature that I debated going to this baby shower stoned, or am I normal as shit and everyone our age are having babies too young?
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
he's the only real guy friend I've had who I've never made out with
Brother gave me a harry potter philosophy book for xmas we need to get stoned and talk about this.
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
Randomize
