I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
Mom's drinking. Just asked her if she was good to walk back to the condo. She seemed unsure until she remembered she brought the GPS. We are 2 blocks from the condo.
i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
Should have know they were on something when he started filling a Togo container with fruit
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
You were on the train yelling, "THIS TRAIN NEEDS TO GO FASTER SO I CAN GO HAVE SEX WITH MY BOYFRIEND!!!"
I should probably add her on Facebook for as much as I cheat off her in Physics, huh?
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
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