mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
he told me he was a chubby chaser.. then winked. i'm signing up for a gym pass as we speak
They'd unbutton the overalls with their lesbian-tongues. It wouldn't even be a problem.
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
I was just hoping for a dick worthy of his established age.
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
Grandma had me open the boxes that were delivered today. She got a sex swing, I've settled on "You go girl" as my official reaction.
Randomize
