I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
i wonder what megan fox's vagina feels like.
Heaven soaked bacon.
we've started having sober sex
you really do like him
In honor of the internet blackout, I think everyone needs to change their Facebook pictures to ones of them being blacked out.
They sat me on college avenue with a puke bucket and people were mistakenly throwing change in it. Got me enough money take a cab back to my apartment.
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
Dude, I totally just made my launch phrase on my new phone "Wingardium Leviosa" so that when people try it and it doesn't work I can say, "It's leveeOHsa, not leveeoh-SA."
We need to step in, this can't continue. The guy she went home with last night looked exactly like Count Olaf, right down to the unibrow.
Which version tho, Jim Carrey or Neil Patrick Harris?
THAT DOESN'T FUCKING MATTER, YOU DON'T FUCK COUNT OLAF!!!
Three times. Three times I left home yesterday in search for sex, and three times I returned un-orgasmed.
She is still out of it but keeps saying ur name she said to tell u dinosaurs aren't real but biscuit with a z made bad choices
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
Randomize
