The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
she just sneezed while going down on me. is it rude for me to ask her to do it again?
I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
He's a loser but she says we just don't see the good stuff about him. It's like she's dating the Charlie Brown Christmas Tree.
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