Go study a dick amy that's outrageous
exactly what part of this weekend seemed like a good idea?
and my herpes radar will keep us safe
i don't really know how much tequila is too much
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
Good, be his mentor. Like a tiny gay Yoda.
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
Then James put his arms through the window and grabbed him, like he was Robocop. A nerdy, portly Robocop.
Who is this?
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
We all love a big dick, but you’re going to develop a reputation if you keep asking every guy at the bar ‘how big your dick’
That’s all I’m saying
Randomize
