I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
Yea, remember to blow out the fire from flaming shots. Unless you want burnt lips. Just saying, I'm an example of ignorance and intoxication.
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
I think they're German
Just say lederhosen and see what happens
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
We will let tequila do the talkin this weekend
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
Randomize
