How did you manage that?
Told her it wasn't GENITAL herpes... just ORAL herpes... on my penis
lol... jersey girls rock
i'm watching a show about a girl who died from masterbating with a carrot. A FUCKING CARROT, EMILY! YOU NEED TO BE CAREFUL!
Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
I'm going to write a letter. It's going to say, Dear Every Girl Ever: Take some goddam initiative and wake me up with a blowjob and I will eat out of your hand. Love, Every Guy Ever
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
i'm just sitting here going through her tagged pics, covering up different parts of her face to try and figure out exactly what it is that makes her so ugly.
ttyl tear gas
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
So question... If I'm sexting with uncircumcised guy, do I have to add *then i gently pull your foreskin down*?
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
This is not a drill. I need a cape. And a tuxedo. Simultaneously. Repeat. NOT. A. DRILL....
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
Randomize
