how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
I was wondering where I've seen this kid then I remembered I saw him doing lines of blow of his gf's leg while she was sleeping last week.
No, I stopped taking my meds because I like crazy me better
He looks like he has a penis
What the fuck
A good one, a good penis
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
I blame her lesbian super powers of coercion.
Randomize
