I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
I don't want to be with anyone who doesn't accept me for who I am. eating cheeseburgers in bed is my favorite activity.
She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
Don't ever feel guilty about what you put in your mouth best advice my gma ever gave me lmao
I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
Randomize