I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
then we talked for a little and he asked my last name which since I have yet to get a fb request I'm 95% sure its for a restraining order
He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
With your fertility you would just get contact pregnant
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
in the past 2 days I've ruined2-3 lives, made 2 men quit the bar, started a Wednesdays only affair, ended it, ruined that engagement and had my tires slashed by a jealous bouncer. please stop letting me out....
Skipping class. Wanna Drink now?
yea. just give me 15 min to write a paper.
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