Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
if he wont fuck me on the stairamster then i dont think theres much XXX shit going down
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This is true. I'm still having Jess write "no drugs" on my left hand and "except weed" on my right hand
Why is there uncooked bacon under my bed?
You insisted on taking it to bed with you. You grabbed it out of the fridge while mumbling "If I leave this out, you fuckers are just going to ruin it."
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
I sent him a tit pic on accident and he replied with "nice ass"
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