didnt we say no more talking to eachother
it will help you get over me i promise
im horny
ok i will unlock the door
he just quoted gucci mane to try and get me to give him head.
She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
On an unrelated note: I'm also a big advocate of the "never waste a boner" theory.
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
This is why i like single justin better. my only regret is not being present for more of his short life. may he rest in peace
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
THERE IS A VERY SMALL CHILD YELLING OUTSIDE OF MY DOOR. THE NEXT TIME YOU TELL ME YOUR TOO BIG FOR A CONDOM I'M GOING TO PUNCH YOU IN THE DICK.
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
whole 5th of capt = waking up in the shower after 2 hours and the whole house asking why i'm STILL in a towel. and me having nothing to say
Randomize
