The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
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There is a visibable outline from you in the grass. its you in the fetal position...
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
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Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
I wouldn't call us friends exactly. Honestly I just hang out with him so I can hit on his girlfriend. They won't last long, and I'll be there to pick up the scraps
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
I'm not saying I love you. I never said I love you. I said that if earth blew up like Krypton you'd be the only person I would like to have inside me when our bodies burn up in a fiery inferno
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
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