i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
just found deep spiritual meaning in spongebob.... that high.
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
Russians do not operate on the same level as the rest of us. hoping I wake up tomorrow
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
Alright, who started the "how long till dereck gets deported from Australia" pool? I want in on that.
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
Chasing my kid around a 30' jungle gym was not how I envisioned spending the day off work to recover from a vasectomy.
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
Road head absolutely translates. That's the beauty of road head... It's so portable!
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
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