I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
this dieting is killing me...just started drooling watching a dog food commercial
he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again.
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
So. How about you can get tequila certified...
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
Sooooooooooooo you woke up on a rooftop. Classy
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