When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
I'm pretty sure he came before I knew he was inside me.. Didn't think that was his plan when he said he was gonna do things I've never experienced before
is it bad that i regret hanging out with a girl tonight because that means i have less time to sit on youtube watching xmen cartoons?
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
QUIT RUINING DICK PICTURE DAY
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
All you need is a handful of lube and an open mind
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
Randomize
