The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
i mad aa ber float. budweiser nd ice creem. it amzig.
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica
Makers Mark. Chicken nuggets in a blender. Smart
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
I haven't seen her in probably 3 months and when she showed up wasted to my house she promptly pulled out her tit
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
Randomize
