I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
Is it bad that on the course evaluation it said "do you normally try harder than other students in class" and i circled "absolutely false"?
If I go there, please come with. It will accelerate the lesbian rumor but be totally worth it.
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
announcing that you were the mayor of bjtown got their attention.
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
Just fucked a MILF from Alaska. I love traveling.
And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention
Randomize
