why am i having a flashback about somewhere we were this weekend with music videos playing? Spike jonze brothers place?? Help me out
his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
Dude we got so high last night. I said "watch this" threw a goldfish cracker in the toilet, and laughed my ass off. We watched the dvd menu for 30 minutes too.
Yeah he kicked my ass... He probably wouldnt have hit me as hard though if I wasnt lauging and yelling " I fucked your sister I fucked your sister" over and over again.
that's the last time we turn jepordy into a drinking game.
Well, it was good.. One step forward for my vaj.. One giant leap backwards for my integrity.
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
Oh the best part of having sex with him was that he made me a smoothie after
(440): please tell me you didn't have sex in my dress.. IT'S A VIRGIN DRESS.
Randomize
