Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning
All I know is she had me sitting on the kitchen floor with her little Pomeranian eating potato chips And shredded cheese. I don't even know dude. I don't even know.
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
he said verbatim, he wants to "bang you hard".
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
I'm too high and old for this...
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
Randomize
