What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
He wouldnt stop screaming that he wanted a trashcan WITH a lid. Whats so necassary about a lid
He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
We have to have sex twice when i get back. I miss you sex, and thank god the nhl lockout is over sex. I will happily let you wear your sharks jersey during it and i will wear my ducks jersey, and it will be mad rivalry sex.
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
She's takin more dicks this month than I have in my life by the sounds of it
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
Randomize
