can a staight man not wear seersucker in this town?
What is the pluralization of human? I just got humen rejected, and I am going completely blank...
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
I learn from experience and I experienced what it would be like to completely lose my mind and then wake up with a stab wound.
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
I mean I just feel if I'm not being fat and lazy then I'm not really being myself
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
Randomize
