Penelope Cruz needs to learn American words.
For some reason, Oliver from Hannah Montana reminds me of pudding.
That's cute.
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
There was an awkward moment where I was going for his cock and he reach out and held my hand, thinking that what I was doing
Go forth Daniel, drink, be merry... And meet some hot Asians for your friends to bang
We found Kyle. He was next door yelling at the elderly couple to let him continue his golf game. No more afternoon drinking for him.
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
Also, I've finally come to the point in the relationship when having sex with socks on is ok.
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
Guess who cheated on their SATs? Also on the same line guess who's getting in to Princeton at damn near free of charge?
Randomize
