her nipple to breast ratio was just odd
i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
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Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
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My dad got me a charm braclet....his way of trying to support my gayness....
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
THAT FUCKER WASTED TWO OF MY COLORED CONDOMS! HE DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING FINISH IN IT HE JUST SLAPPED IT ON AND WASTED IT!
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
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