you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
Barsexuality is the new black.
I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
THERE ARE SO MANY GREAT DICKS IN THE WORLD. HOW DID I NOT DISCOVER THIS SOONER!?
ALL CAPS CUZ ITS SERIOUS SHAME.
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker"
I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
Smoking a bowl in nothing but a flamingo thong.
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
Who put my cat in the fridge?
Randomize
