Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
I need to quit being a slut. It's to the point that I got my period today and automatically I Believe I Can Fly popped into my head.
We just had sex on an abandoned logging road while wearing snow shoes. God bless Montana boys.
I have hobbies that aren't destroying myself and others...i can make hats.....
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
thanks for passing me through your vagina 20 years ago today. your the best
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
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