don't get me wrong, i like my boss a lot, but not enough to not bang his daughter
Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
I don't have enough holes for all these australians
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
Night one million where I have madri gra beads around my neck and no justifiable reason for where they came from
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
I think I just sharted jello shots
Sent. All. My. Texts. Like. This. Last. Night. Thank. You. Weed. Also. Had. A. Dream. About. A. Serial. Killer. That. Killed. Everyone. Except. Me. And.
Randomize
