After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
As long as they suck a good dick I don't care what fruit they have and where they have it
if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
If the ex isent in town and im crying under a table somewhere because of it can we go to a drag show or something
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
I like to send nudes ok? If that's my biggest flaw I think I'm ok
We just did a u turn on the highway to settle a dispute in a game of slug bug
Randomize
