I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
Lets date for the summer
what?
Dont love me in September.
question. what would be the least awkward way to ask your one night stand if he came inside of you because you would really prefer not to have his illegitimate lovechild. hypothetically.
He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
Did we do anything stupid last night besides hook up with our ex girlfriends?
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
She said I'm like warm bathroom-sink water. There's nothing necessarily wrong with me, but she doesn't exactly want to "drink me in"
No he reached for my hand at the beach. I pretended to be a seagull.
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
Randomize
