he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
i feel like arbor mist is too classy for that. you need a colt 45
Yeah you're right. The one time when arbor mist is too classy
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
I'm like 87% sure some random guy starting biting my ear after grinding me for like 30 seconds... I feel suprisingly unconcerned
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
One day this summer I just wanna get blown under the hot sun all day.
Deal. Roof-top 69 on Saturday, July 20th. I've got it in my calendar.
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me
New one isn't as good asmy ex. She won't put her tongue up my butt
Peter this is your "ex"
I stand by what i said
How was it?
i think i smell bacon but im to sore to walk downstairs. that kinda night
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