dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
there's something wrong with the internet when a search for "barney the dinosaur violence" comes up with nothing
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
how did the keg end up in the top bunk?
Watched a women out our tannin salon literally fight police because she was getting arrested for trying to drunkenly fight the tanning salon owner...we need to step up our day drinking this is shameful.
I'm going to a foam party and gonna grind someones dick off hayy
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
I think my greatest accomplishment today was probably using a bottle opener to get the cap off my fourth drink while holding the cat WITHOUT dropping him.
Oh god, what has my life become?
I like literally had a visual image of his penis going into your soul
Sounds good. Look at us. Planning sex like proper adults.
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
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