I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
She looks like Sash Grey but sounds like Fran Drescher. Advise.
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
My mother's day gift to my mother is to promise never to tell her 95% of the stories I've accumulated in my life.
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
She wants to have naked weekends
They call that free range vagina in France
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
i was the only bi girl at the frat party. i felt like the last cresent roll at thanksgiving
It's only 9 and these two girls are already walking around Walmart barefoot and holding their heels. WE NEED TO STEP IT UP.
Just don't do anything stupid
i did a stupid sorry
He woke up wondering who broke in and rearranged all the furniture. He reviewed 11 hours of security footage before I told him he did it while whiskey-drunk.
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
I've been eaten out in coupes, sedans, trucks, suv's, you name it. If I can do it in a smart car, you can do it in a vw beetle.
I knew you were the expert on doing it in public. You need to get paid for your advise
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
Randomize
