____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
I remember going home with 2 girls. Woke up with 4.
Yea well when i pee it makes steam.
Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
called my therapist. she asked if I was sad bc of m.j.'s death. are ppl that pathetic?
you need more empathy. some people get depressed for reasons OTHER than being a whore.
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
I dont know how I should feel about you making a 37 year old come visit you and then making him do the walk of shame from your dorm room...through campus
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
I just got yelled at by a stripper for being a tease.
Randomize
