My family just had an in depth argument about the meaning of chodes
I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
no, forget the keg and come see this. prego pants here is dunking chicken nuggets into pudding and crying over a cat show on animal planet.
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
remind to leave next time the words "tequila" and "challenge" are shouted
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
I felt guilty, it was so good!
Guilty? Oh great, I give the Jewish mother-in-law of blowjobs.
just really comprehended the fact that I'm getting high at the same place I used to play as a child. the nostalgia and thc is mixing together in one, intense wave. WHO HAVE I BECOME
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
11/10 would buy him a McLobster
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
I realized just how much my daughter is MINE when I heard her tell someone "Go shit yourself" yesterday.
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