Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
He's sitting on the floor holding his bracket and crying, literally crying... he just keeps saying "Kansas how could you?" over and over
I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
Some guy I've never met before just came outside and started rolling a blunt on our fence and passed it around to all six of us. At eight in the morning. Today's gonna be weird.
Don't blame me. My vagina leads me astray.
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
i just sexted for my mom while she was driving, i have hit an all time low.
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
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