yeah it's now facebook official. i can no longer pretend shes my girl on the side
My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.
this weekend destroyed me...my brain feels like the curly fry at the bottom of the bag. GAhhh come save me
that's ecstasy for ya. now I'm kinda in the mood for jack in the box.
When I ask you to make sure no ones coming while I'm changing.. The logical friend would keep watch. But you my, best friend come stand in front of me and flash everybody.
Travis is back on this booty and burgers thing. If I'm his delivery service for food he better fuck me how I want.
It was awkward at first he now knows I fucked his little brother, they were both there. then the tequila kicked in and everything was fine.
I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
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