sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
well smoking weed has become a deal breaker for me so I pretty much use "let's go smoke a blunt" as an icebreaker
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
I want you to know. From the bottom of my heart, that you are a great friend, a beautiful person, and one of my favorite people in this world. But if you ever send me that many messages again at 4am I swear to God, I will push you in from of a fast running rhino
i may have just googled 'is philly rioting right now'
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
Randomize
