I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
hey can i ask you a kinda weird question?
i know what the question is. yes they are bigger, and no i did not get plastic surgery
Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
No it was after you showed us his fraternaty letters shaven out of your pubes
Let's just say my vagina is not superimpressed with the superintendent of schools.
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
It feels like eating ice cream while riding a unicorn over a rainbow waterfall made of glitter.
That is possibly the gayest thing that was ever thought of by anyone anywhere.
I'd like to stay optimistic, but I have this nagging suspicion my penis is in for a disappointing holiday weekend.
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
I'm committing myself to dance. Also, I'm unsure if you said space party sounded lame because dude was old, but I hope you're over it because I love space, and I love David Bowie and I love to dance, and you need to embrace this with me.
Randomize
