How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
Four minutes until I can fart!
I was thinking Sara Jessica Parker was hot. That high.
we were on a sandy mattress. i was wearing a sweatshirt with a poodle on it and eating a whopper jr. i wouldn't have fucked me either.
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
Not much, really baked..... beethoven is AMAZING it's like i'm flying in space with baby jesus
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
Oh dear God, they have a song about Mom...
I want to start a guest book for my bed room so when dudes leave they can write a review
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
Randomize
