I'm pretty sure a girl doesn't give it up with a reverse cow girl...
What I'm saying is Afghanistan is America's sexually contracted disease.
you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
she works at a police station now. i think thats the definition of keeping your enemies closer.
I just had to download an app to edit pictures on my new phone. The things I do for sexting...
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
it's only monday and im already failing all my classes. i give up. tequila tuesday is my only friend.
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
exhale infront of a fan. self shotgun.
somebody went from crying while watching Full House, to a full on emotional raging bull...I love this time of the month
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
Real life skills section of my resume: blow jobs, food knowledge trivia, sarcasm, mascaera application, sexting, tolerance of rail liquors
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