The spoon I was using to ice my hickey just fell out of my purse while i was paying at the liquor store. I look like an alcoholic with a meth problem.
I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
It's always exciting to touch a new boob.
Some guy just watched me feed 30 dimes and 3 quarters for bread and cheese at the self checkout at walmart. I no longer comprehend shame...
So i've def seen the girl running for student body VP getting fingered in a bar.
Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
BTW car sex works all the muscle groups. Just sayin. Legs/butt are sore as are arms, back and core.
Rob and I are cross faded and the only one taking care of us is a drunk person who's making us dance.
So you don't take a regular pic with her, but you take a selfie with her ass. Interesting...
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
Randomize
