im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
I would invite you but we are high and there is an AK-47. Not your scene.
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
That accounts for only three of the penises
Speaking of church, everyone showed up to lunch in the dining hall in their Sunday best and I walk in looking homeless bc I just got out of bed. I hate this school.
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
He passed out while I was riding him but stayed hard long enough for me to orgasm. He definitely earned the blow job I’m going to wake him up with in the morning!
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