i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
He just randomly started talking about Haiti and Conan O'Brien and his grandpa's hip replacement operation. It was the worst phone sex I've ever had.
we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
I'm not going to fuck him in his Honda Fit. That's gay.
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
It wasn't random sex though, it was almost a relationship, built on lies and sex
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
Good. We don't answer calls at dick thirty.
There is a BIG difference between doing coke and getting peed on and getting peed on FOR coke
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
Really this has to stop, if they get any younger we will be breaking the law
Shes yelled my World of Warcraft name when we were having sex, I think marriage is next.
Randomize
