life is too short to starve
life is also too short to be fat
I think id rather eat ped egg shavings.
I just took the soap out of the bathroom and hid it... this way I could see if she would say anything. you know, to see how clean she was
It took years to rebuild my brains forcefield against your charm and I feel like u seal team 6'd ur way in again and caught my common sense sleeping on post
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
Was that you I seen riding on the top of a cab? Way to start the new year
Well since your going through her phone..look man she loves you..she just loves my dick more
He asked if I could ever take him seriously, I told him I just like his doggy style.....needless to say I snuck out after an awkward cuddle session... I wont be calling him at 2 am anymore.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Get off me. I'm done. I want a cookie.
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
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