WHO ATE OUR COOKIES WHAT THE FUCK THOSE WERE GOURMET
i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
I CAN'T FUCK HIM OUTSIDE. THAT'S FOR PEASANTS. HE'S TOO FAMOUS FOR THAT.
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
I wanna trust fall face first on a penis.
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
thats all i want out of life, to get high and watch weiner dog races
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