Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
You bet me 100 dollars that the Raiders would win the super bowl this year. I have it on tape.
There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
I heard liver failure is in for 2012 anyways
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
You threw up with such class too! Tiara and all.
Your youporn search history says otherwise.
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
I was left to my own devices with nothing to do but drink
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
I told him he had to put his dick inside of me at approx 1159 to ensure it was birthday sex. i was 19 when he entered me.. came out 20. winning.
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
Randomize
