My milkshake brings 85 to 90 percent of the boys to the yard
So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
Bleh. If he hadn't ascended into heaven and sat at the right hand of the father, Jesus would be rolling over in his grave right now.
This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
i officially have more pictures of his dick than pictures of us together
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
im gonna shove his purity ring down his throat
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
Randomize
