Ok so serious question: if one wanted to say the plural of mongoose, would it be mongooses or mongeese?
you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
I would've been fine if I didn't do the three shots
You did like 8
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
I'm straight up riding in the back of my truck in a bean bag chair right now. Feet propped up and four loko in hand. Glorious.
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
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