this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
I know it is almost summer when the students in my night class start showing up drunk.
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
she sucked my dick to get the taste of the last guy's out. I need to find a new friend with benefits.
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
Also when i was high i would close my eyes and see a puppy on a grill having pancake batter poured on it.... And for whatever reason it was fucking hilarious.
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
So her ex boyfriend came up a lot in conversation while I was fucking her. Is that weird?
Who the fuck has a conversation during sex?
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