do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
I told my mom happy mother's day then rubbed my belly and said "Oh, and happy grandmother's day too..." She started sobbing. You were right, that wasn't the best way to tell her.
I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
not much sitting here stoned eating my little sisters halloween candy and judging each individual hersheys candy bar and after much deliberation by the selection committee the original hersheys chocolate bar won
Ohmygod. I don't know if I can explain how great it'll be. I hope you don't mind Subaru sex
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
Nothing says love like couples STD testing
Nothing says breakup like the results
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
Bring me a cialis. .. I feel like having a super dick today
my experiences serve only to benefit you young virgin
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
Randomize
