im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
You can't special order awesome
She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
From what I hear, her blowjob factory was runninng at full capacity this weekend.
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
Bro that's the last time I try to stick my penis in a bowl of jello. I can't believe your sister ate that, did she not see my dick mold
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
LMAO. Stop. Men are such gentleman these days. I woke up with no one beside me and you got 6 cents
6 cents and no orgasm 💃🏻🎉
We are so blessed
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
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