he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
Nope, didn't see her. We left when you told us you were going to make the " big beef burrito supreme" even more supreme and you took your dick out.
this just has baby written all over it
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.
way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
wow, being home for Xmas is freaking weird on tinder. I went to high school with everyone I'm matching... The fact that this many jocks like me now is a huge ego boost from my lack of glory days.
...and I'm done. I just matched two boys I used to babysit without realizing it.
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
She just kept screaming and saying "fucking you is like fucking a mountain"
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
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