Hahahhahaha! Oooh get it! Ugh I am so dead but if I go to the lib whuich I will hopefully b havung sex instead, ill hit u up
god. i hate danny gokey.
Hes like the kid in school that reminds the teacher they forgot to assign homeowrk.
he's mormon right? lame.
like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
all i remember is screaming butter knifes are for pussies.
As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
As I was brushing his cum out of my hair he looks at me and says "it happens to me all the time."
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
I may have tried to encourage people to play a new game I invented last night. I called it Super Quarters. Like regular quarters, only using an AA medallion.
I was super naked---except I kept my shoes on, because I'm a lady, and I was bent over a bar.
I just realized I donated our bong to goodwill.. RIP Kimbo Slice
You suck, She hit so hard.
I swear to the sweet baby jesus I didn't fill your freezer with salsa and my little pony toys, but I didn't stop them either.
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
Randomize
