So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
At what point in time did you decide the pot head with Taco Bell was more important than all your friends.
At about the same time you guys weren't burritos.
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
I wonder how your parents would feel if the scarf they gave me for Christmas is mainly being used for a blindfold during sex...
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
Gross! What the hell is that?!?
It's quite clearly a man posing erotically with multiple packages of bacon.
If you were more comfortable around gay men, then you too could get wasted at the gay dance club and go home with hot girls.
"I feel morally obligated to vote for him since he's my drug dealers dad"
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
Randomize
