White coat. Heels.
mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
How do u explain cocaine to a 9 year old?
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
Next year we will be 30 and no more shots during the week.
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
Also he wants to know a casual, consise way to ask a girl in a bar if he could eat her out. Think on that.
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
My brother didnt wanna sleep with her because she was my friend. Did I miss the memo where we're not supposed to be fucking each others friends? Oh well too late.
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
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