my room smells like sperm. sweet.
Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
you can't tell me it's over and send me pics of you and your cat?
As sure as my left ball is bigger then my right. We will have our moment.
Cute boy and deffffff wearing a HS shirt. I am getting too old to be inaccurate.
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
Randomize
