my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
I'm to the point in my high that every song eventually turns into Lady Gaga
She washed her feet in the sink at white castle. I want this girl in my life.
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
The only responsible thing ive done in vegas is shower and that was onky to clean vomit off me
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
I'll give you some choices for what to get me for Christmas. 1.You naked. 2.You naked 3.You naked.
Naked and Afraid: Hangover edition
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse
I might go bald with this hair pulling thing every night.
Just told my mom life fisted my asshole. She looked at me with complete understanding. I'm scared...
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