Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
he quoted cool runnings while we were having sex: feel the rythm,feel the rhyme, get on up, its bobsled time
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
Judging that there's a photo of me getting head while sitting on a graveyard tombstone.....not good.
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
thats why a responsible adult always keeps some facial hair just in case they need to shave a hulk hogan mustache for midget wrestling...
please, i've had weekends with less dignity than this.
As long as you don't want to make a shrine out of my eyelashes It's all good
I put a zucchini in my pussy for you
My tits became the mascot for the SAE house last night.
I barfed on the cat last night. Just wanted to share.
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
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