Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
I would pay so much money for a video of you fucking a sheep
my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
This is your typical drubkba Amy test. Shout out to jisus for auto correct
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
Dude he downed 9 shots of tequila, sang bohemian rhapsody with 3 randoms Wayne's world style, solo'd closing time, chased the hot bartender's dog all the way to main, tackled him, carried him back, hot bar tender hugged AND kissed him, then he does a jumping heel click and leaps into my car through the window. Next rounds free at the yeti. Needless to say your little brother is a tequila god.
Basically.
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
Nothing cures your heart after a boy calling you unattractive than a big fat dick
Let the record show that I hate your ass.
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