Bret has after-school detention for writing Brianna has a stinky vag on the ground at recess.
i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
i just set an alarm for noon. fuck yes winter break.
Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
Stop. He threw up in front of Madison Square Garden security. Spit at the guys feet and grunted ughhh at him.
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
It took too long for people to come up with things in "never have i ever" so we had to change it to "Don't judge me but.."
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
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