I saw that some person on TFLN used a bag of wine as a pillow. I tried it last night. I forgot to close the spout. I woke up and thought my face had a period
awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.
I stole something. Which direction out are you guys gonna go
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
It's amazing what a couple of orgasms can do for a girls demeanor.
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
is it still considered wake n bake if you wake up at 2 pm?
Dude I may be rolling but there's no way I can make up a 12 ft tall giant green man waving to me right now
False alarm, security just told me it's a radio tower
Randomize
