It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
Please tell me its not ok to love a 17 year old....no matter how hot he is and how sexy his eyebrow ring is oh lord
I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
he made me scream out "#24" while we fucked...no more football players
I was seriously concerned she had died since she wasn't moving at all, but then I asked here where she was last night and her response was to hip thrust the air.
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
In case you're wondering what eggs stolen from an elementary school's chicken coop taste like, delicious. Delicious is what they taste like.
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
You smell like a steam boat captain.
Whatever your on right now, I want.
Randomize
