I just used Master P to describe what sound the letter U makes to my daughter...
what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
it was worse than that time i tried giving evan head 4 days post nose job.
The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
I'm a little nervous about this St. Patty's Day party. Seriously, we're still finding stuff from the Halloween party.
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
I'm okay with corrupting his young mind.
Ew! He's just a child!
AND I'M GONNA SHOW HIM HOW TO MAKE ONE.
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
I just want you to know that I am dancing around my apartment by myself singing Taylor Swift into a wine bottle. Do hurry.
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
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