yeah my walk of shame consisted of driving on the wrong side of the road at 6am still drunk with cum drying in my hair and left eye.
i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
Ive only just recently decided that NOT fucking you would be best for both of us.
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
I still can't believe a guy pooped in my backyard
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
It's beautiful. It's what jesusxwants. I should send you a pic of my boobs out of friendship
someone is getting fuckign RAWDOGGED on this campus as we speak and it makes me FURIOUS
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