I have to tell you about my conversation with the cloud dragon!
Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
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Dude. There's gotta be an article in Cosmo about it cause I've had three different girls tongue tickle my brownie this month.
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
Now that weed is legalized There needs to be reusable bags for people to pick up with. All this plastic is so bad for the environment and a waste
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever.
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I just came so hard my hamstring felt like it was going to tear. I am also now a screamer
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
Please come to class. I miss you and I have a horse mask
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
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