You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
sitting in an airport in detroit. just saw a commercial for detroit tourism with kid rock as a spokesman. reason # 1458 to never visit this city.
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
You were sitting on the filthy kitchen floor eating a packet of grated cheese, and you were crying because you couldn't find any cheese.. I'd say our party was a success.
I dont know. Theres no way you can be ready for the sex hurricane that will consume you.
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
i woke up and couldnt remember who was in my bed and it was so dark.. i rolled over and started kissing him and feeling his face because hey... if the blind can see like that.. maybe i could too
Randomize
