i hope S**** or M***** or someone took note of the fact that i was drinking popov like water and could no longer form sentences. i mean, dont get me wrong i had been thinking about boning R*** long before my sobriety left the picture but the number of reasons not to, outweighed the temptation and without sir robert burnett as R***'s wingman, it would have never happened
the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
LETS GO REDSKINS!
Quit drinking and watching your DVR, it's wednesday.
You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
He came to my house drunk at two a.m., got in the hot tub, refused to get out until he smoked a blunt, and said "That's what brothers and sisters are for."
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
He sent me a picture; erect penis, cat in hand and no pants on. He got a boob pic for that one.
Let's make an agreement. No drugs until you finish all your homework. I'm hiding them as we speak.
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
Randomize
